Defining "Illness"

Lately, I've found myself pondering the pure and seemingly sparkling crystals that so frequently fall from the sky these days.  Snow is a funny thing in that there is no one snowflake that is exactly the same.  Each has its own Divine design, and the path that each snowflake takes to reach the ground is unique to that particular snowflake and looks different depending on its time and place.

Similarly, we as human beings walk different roads, come to different bumps and turns, and come equipped with our own unique design that God blesses us with when we came down here.  I often wonder why my path in life often seems so different than other's may be... but then again I'm sure that all of us experience that daunting perception at some point in our lives.

With that in mind, I've watched many people suffer from chronic illness and the wide range of differences that come from being sick.  This phenomenon is something that would do everyone some good if they took the time to look into the hearts and minds of these people who suffer on many different levels.  The fact of the matter is that there are no two chronically ill lifestyles that look the same.  We're all simply moving along on our own individual paths, trying to survive the best that we can.

The words "chronically ill" are usually accompanied by a substantial amount of expectations and perceptions from others.  There's a certain "type" and "look" that apparently we're all supposed to have, but the reality is that some of us just don't have that "look" but that doesn't make our lives any easier, and it doesn't take our painful circumstances away.

The majority of people view illness by the book.  When you're sick you lay in bed with body aches and head congestion while consuming large amounts of ibuprofen or Tylenol to relieve that pain and wait for it to pass. It may take a few days of discomfort, but it passes, and you move on with daily life.  Others simply push past the pain and continue their daily lives and are lucky enough when their symptom cease, despite the need to persist in their prior commitments and responsibilities. 

Now when you're REALLY sick it's a little different.  When you're in unbearable amounts of pain, you rush to the doctor, load up on pain medications, and wait for hard-working health experts to diagnose and treat you.  And after countless tests and hours, these loving and caring doctors treat you with medication or surgery, and you go home ready to recover and your pain eventually passes so you can live a normal life.

This is what illness looks like, right?  This is how we manage our health and wellness so we can feel vitalized and renewed, right? 

Not exactly... 

A flu virus is one thing, but being chronically ill is an entirely different paradigm that requires a lifestyle change and a realization that maybe being sick isn't what you thought it was in the first place.

Many chronic illness patients do spend a lot of time in the hospital, and many chronic illness patients do treat their symptoms with pain medications, which is definitely not something to downplay and consists of an incredibly difficult road.  But my story and many other's stories are different, and that doesn't make any of our pain less valid or less painful.

What most chronic illness patients don't tell you is just HOW MANY doctors they had to go through in order to find one that would finally help.  What a lot of us don't talk about is the PTSD that comes from how badly we're treated by people, and the desperation we all have to find answers.  And what a lot of us don't tell you is that hope may not be found in a doctors office or in a medication, and that doesn't mean that we're crazy or that all of our symptoms are psychosomatic.  It simply means that our path is different, and our answers are different.

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I'm never in the hospital.
I've don't take any medications.
I treat my symptoms with natural food, remedies, and protocols.
And I never managed to find one doctor in my area that helped me very much.
And the things I'm doing now are HELPING ME TO HEAL!

My symptoms can range from tremors to being light-headed, to passing out after taking a shower, to skin lesions, panic attacks, extreme fatigue, and severe abdominal pain.  But sometimes the pattern is that one day I can feel healthy and strong, and the next day I can hardly function at all.

Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind.
Other times I feel free and hopeful.
I pray every day for the feeling of the floor falling out from underneath me to cease, and for the grief that comes from illness to pass.  Some days it does.  Some days it doesn't.  And that's just a normality for me and many others.

Chronic illness is a wide spectrum of struggle and perseverance, and there is no one size fits all. For some of us, it's doctors and hospitals on the daily.  For others, it's constant protocols that never seem to end.  And for others, it's diet change and learning how to be healthy half of the time and sick the other half of the time.  For others, it's all of those things combined and it's often overwhelming and exhausting trying to keep all of the daily health routines straight.

Whatever it is, and no matter your place in your journey... your pain is valid and I urge you to heed not the expectations and perceptions of others who have never walked in your shoes.  It would do the world some good if all of us could increase our love and compassion towards those who suffer in any way.  The more we're aware of the suffering around us, the more empowered we can be to pull others out of the swamps and dark places that we all can find ourselves in.

Despite the difficulties and the struggles, there are some things that all chronically ill people have in common:
All of us are warriors.  All of us have battled sore affliction.  And all of us are beautiful, resilient people who are seeking to live life to the fullest and emerge out of the norm of society to bring light and healing to a world that craves those things.  As we're sculpted into the warriors that we are, we're transformed on our path and seek to touch the world with our newfound being, just like the snowflake that travels to the ground to ultimately bring beauty into our lives and nourishment to our earth.