Chronically Beautiful!
  • Home
  • About
  • Chronically Beautiful Blogs
    • Chronically Beautiful
    • Chronically Delicious
    • Chronically Healthy
  • Published Articles & Podcasts
  • Gift Shop
  • The Chronically Care Project
    • Care Package Application
    • Rise Above Lyme Sign Up
  • Contact
  • Disclaimer

Chronically Beautiful!

Picture

Disabled Life, Abled Love

3/26/2019

2 Comments

 
It's no secret that the community of people who suffer from chronic illness and disability is in an uproar due to the rash and erroneous statements made by Dr. Phil on Tuesday, March 12.  In this episode, Dr. Phil claimed that "100 out of 100 relationships that involve care-giving fail.  You can be a caregiver or a lover but you can't be both."  I've never seen a more beautiful response than from the #100outof100 that's trending on Facebook and Instagram, and as a young, single, chronically ill woman myself, it may seem that I'm not qualified to have any opinion on this topic at all.  But, I'd like to offer a fresh perspective to the community and to overall society.  Everyone may be appalled by Dr. Phil's statement, but how often does society and communities all over the U.S. actually treat the chronically ill and disabled this way?  Thank you, Dr. Phil, for saying out loud what most people think, but would never make audible.  Your statement is currently bringing to light the attitudes of many and states that this is a social and cultural mindset that needs to change.  Well, this is my perspective, and if you read all the way to the end, you'll find that I may be more qualified to discuss this topic than some might think.​

My parents were married in the year 1980, and my mother was diagnosed with chronic Lyme disease in the year 2013.  It took years for my mother to receive a diagnosis, which means that there were 33 years of unresolved health problems and 39 years total of disability and struggle.

On my parent's wedding day, my mother was eminently sick, and that was merely a taste of the next 39 years for them.  I don't ever remember a time when my mother wasn't sick.  My mother is the best mother I could have ever been sent to because despite chronic weakness, fatigue, and unexplained neurological symptoms, she successfully raised six kids in a happy and healthy home who are now thriving adults in society.  It wasn't until I came along that symptoms became less tolerable and more abundant with time.  As a teenager, I remember my mother often being bedridden throughout the winter months and hospitalized frequently.  It didn't make it any easier that my parents had me, who seemed to always be sick with strange and unexplained symptoms, and the frequent doctors appointments for both of us almost never left us with any answers or hope to someday receive answers.

It wasn't until I was a junior in high school that my mom went down for the long run.  Her pain levels were excruciating, she would often suffer from spontaneous seizures due to the high levels of physical pain, and she experienced pain so deep and severe that I often wondered what happened to my mom because she wasn't the same person when she was this ill.  She was bedridden for years, she lost her ability to walk and was in a wheelchair for awhile, and again... there were no doctors that had any answers to give us other than that there is no illness with all of her symptoms.

Right when life reached it's peak of pain and discouragement, right when most people would leave and surrender to it all, right in the middle of no improvement, and right when a large majority of people would leave... my dad chose to stay.   There wasn't a life to be had.  There wasn't a possibility of going to work, or church, or anything else that an average man would do because when mom went down, my dad took his rightful position as husband AND full time caretaker.  The position he promised he would take the day that he married her.

I've watched my dad care for and love my mother through this awful disease for years, and he isn't planning on stopping anytime soon.  I've watched him feed her, push her wheelchair, and peel her off the floor after she's passed out or after a seizure.  I've watched him drive when she lost her ability to.  I've watched him take over the cooking and cleaning when she lost her strength to do it herself.  I've watched him do what any real man would do when the love of his life is put in a situation like this.  Because why would you trust a stranger that you pay for to take care of the person that you love and cherish more than anything in the entire world?

True love has absolutely nothing to do with physical ability or lack there of.  True love has everything to do with two hearts and souls that would give and sacrifice ANYTHING for the well being of the other person. And if both people in the relationship have that mindset, then both people are thoroughly taken care of.  My mother has always been a help-meet to my father.  And when she was able, she was always by his side, helping and supporting him in all of his endeavors.  My parents set out to be a team from the very beginning, so when they were brought to a point where they had to walk through the fire, they walked through it together without being burned alive.
Picture
Picture
Picture

Not only did my father have the task of taking care of a sick wife, but he also is frequently met with the task of taking care of a sick daughter as well.  My small family of three pulls together in our house, and through sweat and tears, we take care of each other, no matter how difficult it gets.  Often through the fire of chronic illness, I've so frequently been shut down by others, which is why it's crucial to have a family that is your full-time caretaker.

We live in a society where the breakdown of the family is dominating and the definition of love is becoming increasingly shallow.  As a young single person, I watch many healthy young people searching for someone who can be their eternal companion, and basing their decision on how much fun they can have with a person, and how pretty looking they can appear to be together.  Why would you need to take care of the person you love when you have doctors, therapists, physiologists, bishops, and pastors doing it for you?  Wouldn't it be easier to hire somebody who is a qualified "expert" because they learned about it in a textbook once when they were in college? 

The answer is no because true love has nothing to do with how good you can look on Facebook, and often the experiences that cultivate the greatest love are not shared on social media.  Often the experiences that cultivate the most love are dark, scary, and require sacrifice.  Cultivation of love is often brought on by those experiences that open your eyes to how much you would miss that person if you lost them. 

I'll never forget the comments I've received from people towards the men I've dated about how wonderful a man he must be because he's willing to be with "someone like me."  I often wonder if the person that told me that "it makes sense why no one would want to be with me" is right in some ways.  And I often think of the many men that frustratingly have asked me what it would take to be with me because they don't think they could do it.

What all these people are forgetting is that love is patient and kind.  Love is not skin deep but is something that penetrates into the heart and soul of two people who would give anything to be together.  What happens when that "perfect" husband or wife becomes paraplegic, or chronically ill?  Has our society come so far as to say they won't love another human soul unless there's a guarantee that everything will stay easy and comfortable all the time?  Because if we've come that far, then society is seriously disintegrating before our eyes.  No wonder there are so many incredible disabled women I know that feel like they're destined to be alone.

As a chronically ill single girl, I know my worth.  I know my mind and heart have more to give than a lot of people who are physically able and strong!  And I know that there are thousands and millions of chronically ill people out there who are worthy of love because the love that they have to give is the kind of love that lasts into the eternities.

When something is broken, you fix it.  You don't throw it away.  When you choose to love someone who is broken, the brokenness heals.  Because doctors and "experts" cannot heal you.  But love can.  It is possible to love at maximum capacity while coping with disability and illness.  May we all choose to see that in whomever it is that we come to love someday.  
Picture
Picture
2 Comments
Andrew
3/27/2019 20:54:01

1 Corithians 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Father God,

I lift up in prayer Claire, her father, mother, and fanily today. I pray for strength, courage, hope, love, patiences, persistence, guidance, and joy. It's been quite a journey so far for each of them. A journey of memories that would last a lifetime. A journey of the ups and downs.

I lift up their thoughts and prayers, as well as those said by others, to you tonight. Thank you for hearing them out each and every day. What an amazing testimony of love between husband and wife. What an amazing inspiring story shared by this wonderful beautiful, strong willed woman, with faith of upmost importance.

Thank you for hearing this prayer.


Amen.

Love is beautiful. Love is sweet. Love is gentle. Love is strong. Love is amazing. Love is a feeling from the heart and soul. Love is good. Love will get you through life's journey. Love is a bond between two people, that I believe can and will stand the test of time. Love is amazing.

Reply
Mary Beth
4/5/2019 20:27:05

Finally caught up with reading this, Claire. It was lovely. But won't there be another story about how all of you are doing these days? Hope so!

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Introducing:
    Chronically Claire

    Picture
    I'm Claire, I have Chronic Lyme Disease, and I believe that life is absolutely beautiful!
    Picture
    Our logo represents love and passion being infused into every aspect of what we do here at Chronically Beautiful. Our goal is to knit hearts together as we spread love, compassion, and awareness to those who are suffering.

    Categories

    All
    Adulting With Lyme
    Anxiety
    Beauty
    Betrayal Trauma
    Chronic Illness Truths
    Courage
    COVID19
    Dating
    Depression
    Endometriosis
    Faith
    Family
    Friendship
    Healing
    Healing My Brokenness
    Holidays
    Informational
    Inspiration
    Invisible Illness Myths
    Joy
    Love
    Lyme Stories
    Marriage
    My Story
    Pain
    Sick
    Strength
    Winter
    Worth

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    June 2021
    November 2020
    October 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    February 2018
    February 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015

    "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
    ~Elisabeth Kubler Ross
    View my profile on LinkedIn

Blogs

Chronically Beautiful
Chronically Delicious
​Chronically Healthy

Chronically Claire

About
Lyme Disease
Endometriosis

Support

Disclaimer
Contact
© COPYRIGHT 2015. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Picture
Disclaimer: For Educational and Informational Purposes Only.  The information provided by Chronically Beautiful is for educational and informational purposes only, and is made available to you as self-help tools for your own use.  All and any information given on my website is for the purpose of sharing information to help you help yourself, and not for me to take on any other role as any health professional.
  • Home
  • About
  • Chronically Beautiful Blogs
    • Chronically Beautiful
    • Chronically Delicious
    • Chronically Healthy
  • Published Articles & Podcasts
  • Gift Shop
  • The Chronically Care Project
    • Care Package Application
    • Rise Above Lyme Sign Up
  • Contact
  • Disclaimer